Grandma's Prayer

I knew I was happy
(I was certainly content)
Then along came Lily
And up it all went
The ideas I had
About how I should spend
All of my days
Laid end upon end

God please give me strength
To hoist and to schleppe
This sweet baby girl
Who is gaining in length

Gimme Chocolate Everyday: Weight Loss Journey

I just joined a free online weight loss site (sparkpeople.com) instead of joining one of the ubiquitous diet centers. I have promised myself for years that I would never go on another 'quick fix' diet again. I know that the fix is indeed quick, but so is the time it takes for the weight to come back on. Weight Watchers was a winner for me for a number of years, but I'm feeling too lazy to join something that requires that level of attention to detail (hm, I think I may be unearthing some reasons for my recent weight gain).

So, back to the quick fix solution. Those commercials they air... those almost got to me. My daughter and I would speak in hushed admiring voices, "Did you see the Valerie Bertinelli swimsuit commercial?!?" That's what hooked me almost to the point of going for it.

Then I started thinking about the prepackaged food. How much I'd have to pay for the prepackaged food. How hungry I would get and then still end up scarfing my own food. How my blood sugar levels would probably drop through the floor. How my head would hurt because I was hungry and eating all that prepackaged food. Let's face it - the prepackaged food was my undoing.
 

So now I'm trying to keep my online food diary with sparkpeople, which I find pretty easy. If you find the food in their list it retrieves all of the pertinent information for you, and if it doesn't exist you can easily add it. It does a lot of other things too, like provide pie charts showing which categories of food you ate and why those were either good or bad choices. I love pie! I digress....

Today while I was lying to my laptop about what I'd just eaten I looked up and saw my little Lily grinning up at me and I thought, I can't wait until she's old enough to bake chocolate chip cookies with me!

We Love Until It Hurts, But...

Today I didn't say the right things
I didn't give enough hugs
I didn't listen to all of their imaginary stories.
Today my prayers were too short and
my lectures too long.
My smiles, I'm sure, didn't hide my fatigue.
Today I didn't heal any wounds;
in fact, I'm sure I caused some.
Their tears fell and I felt too lifeless
to wipe them away.
Today I felt completely defeated and totally inadequate
for this position called "mommy".
But as I kneel in prayer to confess my failures,
I am reminded...
I am not their hope.
I am not their total joy.
I am not their salvation.
He is!
And they are his children even more
than they are mine.
I am reminded...
he always listens,
always guides,
always touches,
and always loves perfectly.
I can rest now, Lord, remembering
that I am not alone.

My daughter was almost grown when I came across this poem (written by Wendy Brewer). How I wish I had had it to read while she was growing up because I so often felt those same feelings of inadequacy and failure described so well in the poem. I worried about the effects my failures would have on my daughter. I knew that some of my shortcomings would leave permanent scars; the question was how deep would they go.

I want to pass this on with the hope that the poem's words of encouragement will help another struggling, tired parent who, each day, tries so hard to be everything to everyone.

And Emily, if you're reading this, remember these words whenever you feel motherhood overwhelming you. And you should know that I have always felt that you are a gift, more than I deserve.

Thank You, God, For Saving My Life

(C, this poem is especially for you)

A little bird I am,
Shut from the fields of air;
And in my cage I sit and sing
To Him who placed me there;
Well pleased a prisoner to be
Because, my God, it pleases Thee.

Naught have I else to do;
I sing the whole day long;
And He whom most I love to please,
Doth listen to my song:
He caught and bound my wandering wing,
But still He bends to hear me sing.

My cage confines me round;
Abroad I cannot fly;
But though my wing is closely bound,
My heart's at liberty;
My prison walls cannot control
The flight, the freedom of the soul.

Oh! it is good to soar
These bolts and bars above,
To Him whose purpose I adore,
Whose providence I love;
And in Thy mighty will to find
The joy, the freedom, of the mind.

I found this poem in the book "A Step Further" by Joni Eareckson-Tada (check out Joni's website, she has an amazing story!) This poem was written by a French noblewoman named Madame Guyon who was arrested in 1688 and falsely accused of heresy, sorcery, and adultery by jealous church officials. She spent ten long, lonely years in prison after being convicted, and wrote the above verse during her confinement, which, Joni writes, "...is an eloquent expression of the strength God will give to the suffering heart that waits on Him."

I read this during a particularly difficult time of my life when I was suffering both physically and mentally. I was in so much anguish, day after day, month after month, that each day I woke up I wished it could be my last. I wasn't suicidal, I just wanted the pain to be over, longing for God to take me. When I read, and then re-read (many times) this poem I sensed my whole perspective on pain and suffering changing. "Well pleased a prisoner to be because, my God, it pleases thee." That is a point of view that never would have occurred to me on my own. My mind just doesn't work like that, but I was able to see the beauty of it, and I wanted that conviction for myself. As I claimed this poem as my own prayer, my life slowly began to change. I know this isn't always the end of a person's story, but I was eventually able to find the medical help that I needed to drastically reduce the amount of pain I was having to deal with.

I'm much healthier now and, when I think back on those difficult years I realize I wouldn't trade them for the world. I never thought I'd be able to say that the suffering was a "gift", but it was. Would I still be able to say that if my pain level had remained high these past couple of years, had I not been able to find medication to help me? I'll never know. I'd like to think that I would, but I'm sure the journey, if graphed, would be a line going up and down continually.

I know my suffering in this world is not over. Somewhere along the way I will experience more - it's part of the human condition, and I know I won't like it or necessarily be able to embrace it as I learned to do before. In fact, I'll probably have to start all over again in the process, but I'll have the memory, the experience of my previous victory over discouragement to draw on.

At the beginning of "It's a Wonderful Life" with Jimmy Stewart, the angels are talking and Clarence, the guardian angel, asks if George, our hero, is sick, and the other angel responds saying, "No, it's worse. He's discouraged." May God help all of you with your own personal discouragements so that you can also say, "My prison walls cannot control the flight, the freedom of the soul."

Have a truly happy Easter!

What Are You Looking At?

"A year ago I was barely more than a cell.
What's your excuse?!?"

(Sometimes Lily has a bit of an attitude.)

Featured Etsy Shop: Rose Creek Cottage

One of my favorite shops on Etsy is Rose Creek Cottage (rosecreekcottage.etsy.com). Just the name of the shop makes me think of a cozy sitting room with a fire burning in the fireplace on a cold day, a good book, and a cup of tea. Or if it's summer, I see myself strolling through what else but a rose garden that surrounds a pretty white cottage.

The shop's owner, Carol, also writes an outstanding blog, sharing the ups and downs in her life and providing regular awesome inspiration to all of her faithful readers, of which she has many. As one of her "followers" I enjoy checking in regularly to read her latest post (http://rosecreekcottage-carol.blogspot.com/). One of the most poignant things she shares is her journey with her mother who has Alzheimer's. It's both heartbreaking and uplifting as it's obvious that Carol's approach to life is to never let go of her faith and never be afraid to share what's on her heart.

Back to her wonderful Etsy shop....




I've purchased a number of her Scrabble tile pendant necklaces for my granddaughter and several of my nieces. On seeing the necklaces at Christmas, my sister-in-law wanted one for herself. One of the great things about Carol's jewelry is that it appeals to all age groups.




I especially love the rhinestones that embellish so many of her pendants, adding such a sweet touch of bling. The packaging is fun, too. Each necklace in the 'Truffles' collection (like the ones pictured above and below) is nestled in a truffle cup and tucked into its own little tin.


I also love the 'Definition' pendants. Each one comes with a charm that complements what is written on the tile.



Carol says, "You'll see that I love incorporating words and stories into most of my creations. I think you'll be pleased with the stories each one conjures up!"

Obviously a lot of people have been pleased since, as of this writing, Carol has sold 949 items on Etsy alone. She's also sold on Ebay and participates in craft shows and festivals.

All the best to you, Carol! You and your shop are part of what makes Etsy such a great community to be a part of.

Happy Birth Month!

I love the idea of birthstones. Whenever I make a piece of jewelry using a birthstone, I always make sure to include the information about which month it is for in my description. I wonder who came up with the idea (a jeweler, probably) and how long it took to catch on with the general population. I also find it interesting that the list of stones has changed for some of the months over the years (a list can be found at the bottom of my Etsy profile page if you want to take a peek http://www.etsy.com/profile.php?user_id=6822809). For example, the traditional birthstone for November is citrine; the modern is topaz. Who got to change that? Probably a jeweler who ran out of citrine.

When I was a teenager, astrological signs were a big deal. My best friend and I shared both a birth month and sign. We were very philosophical about the whole thing, spending time comparing our personalities and making sure we fit the description of our shared sign. We were polar opposites in many ways, but we always dug deep to find all the ways in which we were alike. I mean, we had to be, right? We shared a sign!

We humans love to find similarities with each other, and I guess if I met you and found out that you were also born in March, right away there would be that little bit of connection. And I'd have no problem knowing your birthstone: aquamarine, just like mine. I'd also wish you a Happy Birth Month!

All We Are Saying....

Never one to be overtly political,
Lily Joy surreptitiously flashes the peace sign.

Laying Up Treasures

On Etsy, if you time it just right, you can create what's called a Treasury, a selection of other people's work that you put together in an artistic way. I really paid attention last night when I knew I might get the opportunity to create one and was so excited when I was successful. This is the first Treasury that I've created, and it was so much fun I'm sure I'll try again sometime.

With Easter coming up next month I felt the crosses were even more meaningful, and I was thrilled with all the artistic interpretations of this beautiful symbol of faith. My Treasury was in place until March 13th. Thanks to everyone who visited.

Unexpected Landings

This seems so improbable and yet it happens time and time again every year when our magnolia tree loses its blooms. I imagine the exactness of speed and angle with which a petal must fall onto another plant in order for it to be impaled so perfectly. This petal has been given a second chance to survive for a short while longer - it won't be trampled or swept up with the other petals on the ground - all because it was snagged unexpectedly as it floated down to what would've been its natural destination.

Please excuse the easy metaphor -- sometimes I can't help myself.

Featured Etsy Shop: Sweet 'n Sassy Baby Boutique

I've been wanting to feature someone on my blog for a long time and decided that, due to my new status as Grandma, a baby store would be perfect. I find myself searching Etsy for anything baby-related, day-dreaming about all the good stuff I'd buy if I was a new mom. When my daughter was a baby I was always broke so buying just the basics was all I could afford, but also there just wasn't the great selection of baby goods available that there is today.

Sweet 'n Sassy Baby Boutique (Sweetnsassybaby.etsy.com) has some adorable accessories for baby and mom, and I might add, Grandma. Jennifer at Sweet 'n Sassy, says:

"As a stay at home mom, I did not like the usual baby accessories that you find in stores, so my mom and I decided to make our own. We got so many compliments on them that we thought we'd go into business! We specialize in funky, fun and fashionable burp cloth sets, wipe cases, blankets, and more. All Sweet 'n Sassy Baby items are handmade with the highest quality standards. We would not sell you something we wouldn't use ourselves."

This owl motif makes such a cute baby wipes case.
I love the trim around the edges. Gives it a nice finish and shows the attention to detail you will find in the products at Sweet 'n Sassy.

I particulary like this item because you can use it as a diaper clutch (it's big enough to include a packet of wipes), or use it for yourself as a clutch purse. Sold in two sizes.

This baby blanket is made with Robert Kaufman fabric and lined with soft white chenile. Looks so cozy!

Lots of great gift ideas in Sweet 'n Sassy's Etsy shop, for someone else or for yourself. Be sure to check them out!

Recognize the Joy

You never know what or who may show up on your doorstep...or windowsill. When I looked out my kitchen window one day and saw this little guy peeking in (actually he was about three inches long) I felt as if I'd just been given a gift.



Here's to living life always aware of the little surprises that make us smile.

Promises

I turn on the news and listen. I try to hear between the spoken lines that people still do have hope. I hear nothing but voices tinged with fear, frustration, anger, righteous indignation. I understand.

I turn on the news and watch. I try to see in people's eyes that they still trust. I see nothing but faces full of worry, sorrow, exasperation, sometimes even hatred. I've seen some of the same looks on my own face recently.

I turn off the news and look out my window. I see the beauty of our 50-year old magnolia tree, blooming its heart out, just like it does every year. This tree is full of hope.



I see daffodils that have come up from ground that hasn't seen a decent season's rain in many years. Their flowers are the softest pale yellow and the brightest golden orange. They are blooming almost as if in defiance of the drought we've been through.



It's been raining for days now, glorious, steady and pounding. This doesn't mean the drought is over. But it means we have rain today... now.... I can't help but feel more hopeful watching the rain. More peaceful. I feel that God is speaking to me through one of my favorite channels: nature.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these."

Matt. 6:26-30

How Do I Love Thee?

Let me count the ways.

Some of Us Got It, Some of Us Got More of It!

You know how it is. Some mornings you get up and you just know you've got it going on. It's a good hair day, you feel pretty in the outfit you've chosen, your skin has cleared up, those last few pounds are finally gone...yeah, one of those days.

My sweet cupcake, Lily Joy, at 2 months old. She's looking too 'something' for her shirt!

New Etsy Shop Open

Help me choose a banner for my new Etsy shop.


Banner 1



Banner 2

She's Heeeerrrrre....

My little granddaughter, just a few minutes old: Lily Joy.
From my own joy, comes more!

Showering Baby

I have been so busy lately that I haven't posted on my blog for a while. A baby shower for my daughter, that I helped organize, was held about a week ago and was so much fun. We had a great turnout with 40 women and all of their gifts packed in together quite cozily. Sacramento hasn't had rain in ages, but we got a downpour the day of the party. Fortunately, it didn't dampen anyone's spirit or desire to come help celebrate the occasion.

I was able to get the cake (Boston cream pie!) decorated with the same design as the invitations we sent out. I was so pleased with the results. Thank you Freeport Bakery! And tasty? Oh yeah!



My sister-in-law was in charge of the decorating, and she did such a beautiful job. It was simple and cheerful and felt like Spring instead of a rainy day. And of course there were silly games, courtesy of my daughter's sister-in-law. It was a wonderful family collaboration.



My one regret? I don't think anyone took a picture of my daughter and me together ... sigh .... Hating to have my picture taken, I don't usually put myself out there for photo ops so no big surprise. But after the fact I'm sorry that I didn't ask someone to snap our photo. So what if my eyes are usually closed and my chin looks like it invited a second one? Maybe someone can cut and paste a couple of pictures together to put us next to each other - for posterity.

Uncomplicated Is Beautiful!

I really love spending time putting together clusters of gemstones to make jewelry. The process of choosing gradations of color for a "fade" is just pure enjoyment to me. Spending an hour or two attaching all the little stones to a chain to cluster them just so is nothing less than happiness itself.

But there are times when a gemstone is so beautiful it just begs to hang around by itself with minimal embellishment. That's what I let a batch of Botswana agate do the other day. I spent an afternoon culling through them and pulling out matching stones to make earrings. I then put them together with some sterling silver components and attached ear wires. The earrings are very simple. The stones speak for themselves.

My First Front Page.... Hopefully Not My Last!

I can't believe I missed it, but about a week ago a piece of jewelry I have for sale on Etsy (middle picture, top row) was featured in a Treasury created by another Etsy jewelry designer, JennyBunny, and landed on the front page of Etsy. Fortunately, another user (monaraebeads.etsy.com) was kind enough to send me a congratulatory message. Otherwise, I'd never have known. Etsy is a wonderful community of very giving, thoughtful artists!

Getting on Etsy's front page is a big deal in Etsyland! To be in someone's Treasury is a real compliment. It means the curator somehow came across an item in your shop and liked the photo enough to use it when they had a chance to incorporate it into their Treasury. I've never attempted to create a Treasury myself. In the first place, they are very hard to come by as only a limited number can be created and posted at any given time, and it looks like it would take time, patience and of course talent, to make a good one. To see what I'm talking about, go to http://www.etsy.com/treasury.php and check it out for yourself. To see the current front page Treasury, go to Etsy.com.

Treasuries are picked by Etsy staffers to appear on their front page for some limited length of time. Unfortunately, not all of them make it. When it does, it gives all of the sellers in the Treasury free advertising and exposure, but most importantly of course, it provides that oh-so-coveted 15 seconds of, well, not 'fame' exactly, but a sense of affirmation that what you're creating is appreciated by other artists. Yes, that is a very big deal!

Many thanks to JennyBunny and Mona Rae Beads! Oh, and to Etsy, too!