Tuesday, April 21, 2009

We Love Until It Hurts, But...

Today I didn't say the right things
I didn't give enough hugs
I didn't listen to all of their imaginary stories.
Today my prayers were too short and
my lectures too long.
My smiles, I'm sure, didn't hide my fatigue.
Today I didn't heal any wounds;
in fact, I'm sure I caused some.
Their tears fell and I felt too lifeless
to wipe them away.
Today I felt completely defeated and totally inadequate
for this position called "mommy".
But as I kneel in prayer to confess my failures,
I am reminded...
I am not their hope.
I am not their total joy.
I am not their salvation.
He is!
And they are his children even more
than they are mine.
I am reminded...
he always listens,
always guides,
always touches,
and always loves perfectly.
I can rest now, Lord, remembering
that I am not alone.

My daughter was almost grown when I came across this poem (written by Wendy Brewer). How I wish I had had it to read while she was growing up because I so often felt those same feelings of inadequacy and failure described so well in the poem. I worried about the effects my failures would have on my daughter. I knew that some of my shortcomings would leave permanent scars; the question was how deep would they go.

I want to pass this on with the hope that the poem's words of encouragement will help another struggling, tired parent who, each day, tries so hard to be everything to everyone.

And Emily, if you're reading this, remember these words whenever you feel motherhood overwhelming you. And you should know that I have always felt that you are a gift, more than I deserve.


Emily said...

That made me cry! Thanks mom! I don't know about any permanent scars, but I do know about the wonderful love and memories I have of you being the best mommy ever. I hope some day Lily can say the same about me.

Lynne Countenance Jewelry / BeadyIze said...

Just like when you were little and would give me a card that would make me cry. I'd always say, "That's a good one, huh?" :)

I'm so glad you have such wonderful memories. That means more to me than I can say, and I know that Lily will be able to say the same thing about you. You're a wonderful mommy - and a fantastic daughter!

Carol said...

Wow....a beautiful tribute to you, Lynne. You did a LOT of things 'right'!!! xoxoxoxox

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