Heartache

As I was getting dressed the other morning a design for a pair of earrings floated into my conscious brain, fully formed. When I was finished making them, I knew immediately what to name them, Heartache. I don't know where this came from because, on that day, I wasn't experiencing any particular emotional pain. But I remember so well what it feels like. There is always plenty of secondhand heartache to be felt for those around me who are suffering, as I seem to have an over-developed sense of empathy for other people's sadness. My heart can feel heavy just listening to the evening news, to say nothing of how I react to the pain that those I love are dealing with. But it's a different level of heartache when it's your very own.

I have not forgotten nor am I finished experiencing what firsthand heartache feels like: that pinprick of pain when the hurt first strikes (the single red crystal), that burdensome weight in my chest that never seems to lighten (the dark patina on the silver), the lethargy, the sense that I can't inhale enough oxygen when I breathe (the white pearls). I know it all so well.

On that day, however, I was reminded how wonderful the absence of heartache feels. I was having to remember what it felt like rather than being able to reach in and access it at that very moment. I learn so much during the difficult times of my life, though, which doesn't exactly give me something to look forward to, but it gives heartache a real purpose in my life. It's also when I allow God a chance to fully be my God. That can't be a Bad Thing.

Wandering Puppy

(This is my daughter's sweet little wandering puppy that I get to dog-sit every now and then.)

I've been thinking about style lately. Specifically, my style; how to define it, how to reinforce it. For some, I wonder if this process comes easily. Personally, I've felt like a puppy: nose to the ground or in the air, tracking first one scent, then another. Whatever happens to draw my attention at any given moment is what I'm focused on.

I posted a while back about not wanting to restrict myself to designing any one type of jewelry, which is still the case. However, I've come to realize that there is a certain amount of frustration associated with not feeling like my jewelry represents "me". It's that part in quotes that's really got me going. What do I see as "me"?

I've never been a goal-oriented person. I don't know why. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, unless wanting to be a teenager, when I was 5, counts as a goal (and, by the way, I reached that particular goal). The jobs I've had throughout my life were ones I sort of fell into, although I know God's hand has been guiding me even though events appeared haphazard.

So I've taken time these past few weeks to step back and try to look at my work objectively, if that's at all possible. What do I see emerging as a "look"? What techniques do I love doing the most? What materials do I love working with the most? What pieces do I feel the proudest of? And, just as importantly, what pieces have I made that I don't really care for that I should remove from my inventory?

In the coming days, I'm going to practice tough love on myself (remember that?). I'm going to cull through my jewelry and delete all those pieces that I dislike. I'm going to write down some specific objectives where new projects are concerned, and I'm going to focus primarily on making those pieces that I see as being "me". I want to really concentrate on developing my style without sacrificing enjoyment in what I do or being overly rigid. No requirements, just more focus.

At 54, I've finally got a real goal! I feel so grown up!

This Never Gets Old!

I seem to have a real appetite for apatite lately! The beautiful aqua colored stone is definitely a favorite of mine, and I love the name: apatite. (Reminds me it's time for a snack!) I made the bracelet on the left the other day and oxidized all the sterling silver components because I just love the contrast of the dark, gun metal gray with the bright aqua of the apatite.


Another huge favorite of mine is sapphire. The earrings on the right (also made with oxidized sterling silver) fade from light to dark, and are more heavily clustered at the top than at the bottom, so they fade visually in both respects. Sapphire is a little more costly than some other gemstones, and having just a small supply to work with makes the process of creating even more of a joy.

The sapphires in these earrings are tiny, too, only about 2.5m. They are like little droplets of water in my hands while I'm wrapping the wire on each one.